Couple fighting young woman about to cry

Lubes, vibrators, erotic literature…is she losing interest in you?

Relax. If your partner uses lube and vibrators, it has nothing to do with your prowess as a lover. Why not get in on the action with her and have a rocking sex life?

You recently discovered that your partner has been reading erotic books and (gasp!) also has a vibrator in her personal drawer. You are perturbed – you thought the two of you had an exciting sex life. So why does she need a vibrator and lube? Does this mean that she does not find you attractive or hot enough anymore?

Relax – it’s not about you at all. It’s more about what she needs to fulfil her own desires and needs. Why not explore sex toys with her?

Why does she use a vibrator?

Many women who wish to experiment with their sexuality find that using vibrators helps them get in touch with their bodies. Though your partner may be aware of most of her erogenous zones, a vibrator can help her find the others. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not used only in the genital areas but all over the body. The rhythmic and pulsating pressure of the device helps stimulate her erogenous zones the way human fingers or the tongue cannot.

As a partner, should you be worried?

Men are wary of their partners using vibrators, because they feel that they are seeking a thrill that they do not have in their sexual relationship at the moment. But actually, you should be happy that you are with a woman who is confident in her sexuality enough to experiment with it. It helps her unlock and understand her desires and the different rhythms of her body.

Instead of feeling insecure, have a frank discussion with her. Ask her what she likes the most about using the vibrator, whether she uses lube with it, what gives her the most pleasure, etc. Then gently ease the discussion towards what she wants you to do in bed to replicate the pleasure she gets from the sex toy.

A fun way to get on board with her expectations in bed, is to use the vibrator with her. Run it over her body, and note her reactions to it. Now ask her to use it on you – you will be astonished to find that there are many unknown erogenous zones on your body that you were not aware of. Run it over your neck, on the backs of your knees, across your shoulders and inner groin to discover new avenues in pleasure.

Over time, you will find that using the vibrator and other things like lube for sex is not about your partner seeking pleasure for herself, but about enhancing your sex life together.